I'm not ashamed to speak the name of Jesus Christ
I'm not ashamed to let you know, I want this light in me to show...
I just heard a great song by Newsboys called "I'm Not Ashamed". That's how I feel right now. My walk with the Lord is so strong right now I feel like we are best friends. It's a wonderful feeling.
I've always considered myself a Christian. I went through a phase for a few years where I believed that God existed but that was it. I never talked to him. Prayer was as foreign to me as Austrian folk dancing. I was embarrassed to talk about God with anyone at all. I never wanted to say that I was a Christian. Thank GOD (quite literally) that He came into my heart in such a strong way lately. My life is so blessed and so much less chaotic and just so beautiful when I have God with me. I talk to Him all day long and I share my deepest thoughts and feelings. He knows me better than I know myself and it makes me feel safe and protected and loved.
I remember talking to my old pastor of my former church when my husband and I were about to get married. He told me that I would learn to love God more than I would love my husband. I went home that night and laughed. No way would I ever put God first in my life above my husband or kids. But it's TRUE! It does happen that way! God is absolutely my priority. If it weren't for Him I would not be here and I would not have my family. I owe my life...all of it...to God.
I joined a fabulous women's bible study a couple of months ago. I really wanted to connect to other sister's in Christ from my new church. The first night I was there we had the end of the evening prayer session. All the women started speaking in languages I had never heard before. It was very strange. I left that evening wondering what had happened.
Last weekend the co-leader of the small group invited me out to breakfast. At that meal she asked me what I thought of our prayer sessions and if they scared me or if they were strange to me. I confessed that I wasn't actually scared but more curious about what they were doing. She told me they were all speaking in tongues or they were using their God given prayer languages. I had researched prayer languages because I heard another woman in our group use this term.
It's actually quite amazing! God reserves this unbelievable gift for believers who have been baptized in the Holy Spirit. If you ask for this gift God will give it to you! Can you believe that!? All this time I had never even heard of this amazing gift and I can actually be a recipient of it?
I recently asked God to prepare my heart for his gift. I want it and I want it badly. I don't want it for greedy reasons. I don't want it for the purpose of "fitting in" with my small group. My part of that small gift is not contigent on me having my prayer language and that's wonderful. I want it because it's from the Lord. My God. I want to mature into the next level of my faith. I want the Holy Spirit to pray through me. I want to help everyone who needs help. I want to pray for everyone and I know this gift will only magnify my faith.
So next Sunday (the first Sunday of July) I will be baptized in the Holy Spirit. This is a full body immersion underwater. I'm so excited to take this next step! The ladies in my group have been praying for me. They are ready to lay their hands on me and help me accept my prayer language gift. I'm so humbled by all that God has given me lately.
I've been having powerful visions and I know he's preparing me for an exciting new chapter in my life. I'm ready!
He has been answering prayers left and right lately. I can't deny Him. I will never deny his gifts or his miracles ever again. I doubt nothing. My heart is open and so very full! I feel like I'm floating lately.
There are so many things that have been happening you all wouldn't believe me even if I typed them all out here. Miracles. Nothing short of them. Everywhere. I wonder how many passed by me in my life because my eyes weren't opened. It makes me a little sad to think about all I've missed out before now. But then again if I hadn't experienced all I have in my life I wouldn't be at this place in my life. I like this place. It's warm and cozy and I am so content. *purr*
Time to put the little ones to bed. I'll be back later on this.
Following my Bliss...it's a glorious road and I'm loving every minute!
Thursday, May 31, 2007
It's been a while
Sorry it's been so long since I last blogged. I haven't felt like typing out my feelings for a while.
I've been having a rollercoaster of emotions wash over me this past month or so. First I was selected for jury duty. Long story short...I was part of the final 14 jurors for a nasty sexual assualt trial. I sat there for 4 days listening and watching and witnessing the testimony and evidence. It was incredibly hard to watch. It drudged up a lot of repressed memories I had from when I was first married. My ex husband did a lot of the same awful things to me that this guy did to his ex-girlfriend. I thought I was fine. I remained focused and I took many pages of very detailed notes. Right before deliberations I found out I was an alternate juror and I was just crushed. I cried in that courtroom and all the way home. I never got closure.
It's been a few weeks since the trial ended and I'm doing better. I did find out that the other 12 jurors found him guilty. I had to process my own emotions and I have been praying a lot for peace. God is listening because he has put peace into my heart. I'll be fine once more.
I'm struggling with my weight loss journey. I was doing wonderfully on WW until the trial kicked in to high gear. I fell off my journaling that week. I've been struggling to get back on.
Today is my husband's birthday. I will have some cake but I will journal it. I also promised my friend that I would train with her for a 5K. I found a program called couch to 5K and I'm determined to make through the 9 week lesson. I want to start tomorrow. God give me the willpower because I need it.
My best friend and sister in law is pregnant! I'm so excited for them! I have just one niece and she's 13 years old. I'm so excited to have another niece or nephew finally! They got pregnant their first month of trying. God really does work miracles! She's having some morning sickness but it's not too terrible. We all went camping this past weekend and she puked for the first time. But I kept telling her that it was a very good sign. Her levels are high and the baby is healthy. I secretly hope she has a girl. She needs a daughter.
Well I need to get off this computer and get some house work done.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Gaining more self confidence - Priceless!!
I've lost over 6 pounds in 6 days!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't believe how easy this first week on WW has been! In the past I have struggled daily on WW with eating too many points or craving too many "bad" foods. This week I've been focused and determined and I'm a woman on a mission. I just went to the store at the beginning of the week and stocked up on all the right foods so there was no room for failure.
I even started this journey on day one of my period. Now that is a challenge!
Last night I went to the Olive Garden with my best friend/sister-in-law (she's been my best friend for 13 years and my sister-in-law for just 1 year...she married my husband's brother) Ok back to the good part... We ordered soup, salad and breadsticks for dinner. I looked up the point values and planned my meal before we even left the house. I had 2 bowls of minestrone soup, 2 bowls of salad with their low-fat Italian dressing on the side and I had 2 bread sticks. I went to bed last night a point under my daily goal.
We went to the mall and walked around for nearly 2 hours. It was fabulous! No whiney husband constantly looking at his watch or uttering "are you done yet?"...no children crying in their strollers... just 2 girlfriends out browsing the mall. It was truly glorious!
I rewarded myself last night for doing so well this week fixing my health. I bought a gorgeous black leather purse from Macy's. It's a Liz Claiborne. I don't normally spend more than 15-20 bucks on a purse but this one called to me. It was marked 48.00 and I got it on sale for 36.00! I was so excited!
So every 10 pounds I get to buy something just for me...something small. And every 25 pounds I get something bigger...like my hair done or a massage :)
I have 100 pounds to lose and when I reach goal and God willing I will...I'm going on a cruise with my dear husband. If we can afford the extra cost I'll take the whole family :)
Today I feel like singing "I'm walking on sunshine...oh yeah...and it's time to feel good!"
Bliss comes in all forms!
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
A sign from God. No really...you must read this!
"For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
-Jeremiah 29:11, NIV
I really love that passage from the Bible. It brings me peace just thinking about it.
This week has truly been a blessing from God. My husband is back. He's the man I fell in love with and the one I married. This past week he came to 2 of our daughter's soccer games, he didn't bring work home at all last week, he spent quality time with the family and he took the entire weekend off so he could surprise us with a camping trip! It was absolutely glorious!
We went to Nathrop, Colorado which is about 5 miles West of Buena Vista. It's absolutely breathtakingly beautiful out in that part of the state.
Something amazing happened. Read this...it's really quite amazing:
We were driving along a pretty desolate stretch of road about 30 miles south of Natrop. There were mountains all around us and an occasional farm house in the distance. The night was clear and the stars were out. It was about 10:30pm. All the kids were asleep and I was just staring off into space when I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I had never seen anything like it in my entire life. I saw a glowing green and blue and purple ball of flame shooting across the sky right in front of our truck. At first I thought it was part of an airplane on fire. It was huge! I realized it was a meteorite! When I saw it it scared the living daylights out of me so I screamed "OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT?!?!?!?!" and it woke up our 2 girls immediately. They both bolted forward to see out the front windshield of the truck and my step daughter started to hyperventilate she was so scared. It really was that creepy looking. Yet it was beautiful all the same.
To me it was a sign directly from God. I'll tell you why. I had been praying over quite a few areas in my life about 30 minutes before I saw this meteorite. I asked God for a sign about one particular issue that had been bothering me. After we saw the meteorite I even told my husband that it was a gift for all of us and a sign for me specifically. What are the odds that one would land in a field not even 300 yards from our truck in the middle of nowhere at that very instant we were driving by there and not 30 minutes from the time I asked God for a sign. I don't believe in coincidences at all. I believe everything happens for a reason.
I am content today. My husband told me that he was relaxed last night. I haven't heard those words come from his mouth in over a year.
Another miracle... We've been praying for my father to find another part time job. Right now he has one but it's not enough to support my parents. He's been trying to find another job for quite some time. Well not only did he get a job but it's the job he could only dream about and the hours that he could only dream about. It is a perfect fit for his life and his situation. Only God could have answered our prayers so perfectly.
It's amazing how when I tune into God and follow his path, amazing things happen.
Yesterday I had an unbelievable urge to join Weight Watchers. I hadn't even considered the idea. I have been trying other things to lose weight this year but nothing was working. I got an email yesterday morning and it had an inspirational story attached to it that could have been written by me. I could see myself in place of this woman in her story. The similarities were just uncanny. I couldn't ignore that sign either so I signed up immediately. No hesitation on my part.
It feels so right. I did program all day yesterday and I feel so comfortable with it today. It just makes total sense to me and it works. I should know...I've done this 5 times already. It's the only program that ever helped me lose weight. Ever.
So I'm on WW #6. I know that this time is different. Everything feels different about it. Everything feels lined up this time. I'm ready and willing.
I am finally finding my bliss. My husband is slowly finding his too and life is good.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Very blissful day!
My husband is pretty much a work-a-holic. He doesn't work because he loves it, he works because he has to. He's taking over the family business and there is a LOT to do so he is always working. It has been taking a toll on our family for quite some time.
This week has been a great turn around for him. He came to not one but TWO of our daughter's soccer games. He hasn't brought any work home all week so we've been able to have family dinner's and movie nights together. And the best part...
WE'RE GOING CAMPING TONIGHT THROUGH SUNDAY EVENING! I'm so happy! He took the whole weekend off just for us.
A whole weekend of fishing, relaxing, roasting marshmallows, nature walks, picture taking and knitting.
BLISS! I'll be back on Monday for an update. Have a wonderful weekend everyone!
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Playing catch up...
It's been 6 days since I've posted anything here. Let's see...
We've been enjoying the fresh produce all week long. Dinners have never been so colorful or delicious! I am enjoying spending quality time in my kitchen again. I've missed my stove and my cookbooks.
Our 2 little ones got into our teen's bathroom yesterday and raided her large nail polish collection. They decided to take a lovely shade of purple and decorate their skin and hair with it. They did this in 5 minutes. I was upstairs paying 2 bills on the computer and could smell the nail polish wafting up the stairs. Sure enough...they had it scattered all around them. Thankfully only a couple small drops got on the rug and only a tiny bit got on our son's shirt (and it was an older shirt at that).
I had to use non-acetone nail polish remover to get it off their skin though. I ran a bubble bath and wiped their skin next to the tub and immediately plunged them in and washed that off too. It worked and there is no irritation or redness at all. Phew.
These kids! They are such troublemakers when they get together. I just love having two toddlers at the same time. Sheesh! LOL
Our 2 year old went potty yesterday again. She is ready to full time potty train. Every day we keep putting her on the potty and she is peeing quite a lot of the time. I can't wait until she does number two in there LOL Oh the simple joys of parenting!
I have been trying to gear my body up for a 24 hour fast but I'm craving such bad foods this week. I think I'm PMSing. I am not going to try and detox while PMSing. That would be a lethal combo for my family. They would kick me out of the home with the attitude I would surely get! ha! I think I'll wait until later in the week to attempt it.
My mother is helping me develop something new for my little business. I can't say yet what it is because it's a surprise. It's very exciting though! She is a talented lady. She drives me crazy most of the time but she is talented. Can't deny that!
Well that's about all I have to say today. I am going to get off the computer and go bake some low fat biscotti. That will be my little bit of bliss for the day.
My prayers go out to the victims and families of the VT shootings this week.
I have said many a prayer for the victims and their families since I read about the horrible incident on CNN.com Monday afternoon. There are no words. I have been devouring news about this every waking moment of my days. I do some work around the house and an hour will go by and I am compelled to come read the developing story on my computer. I dream about it too. I can't get it out of my head. Why? That's what I keep asking. Why do we live in a world full of such cold heartless people? Such evil? I am trying to focus on the positives. There is so much good in this world too. The media doesn't focus on good though. They chase the bad news. It's depressing to watch. I am sorry to everyone who now has to live closely and personally with this nightmare. I pray for peace in their world. It may never come but I pray for it.