Thursday, June 21, 2007

I'm not ashamed to speak the name of Jesus Christ

I'm not ashamed to let you know, I want this light in me to show...

I just heard a great song by Newsboys called "I'm Not Ashamed". That's how I feel right now. My walk with the Lord is so strong right now I feel like we are best friends. It's a wonderful feeling.

I've always considered myself a Christian. I went through a phase for a few years where I believed that God existed but that was it. I never talked to him. Prayer was as foreign to me as Austrian folk dancing. I was embarrassed to talk about God with anyone at all. I never wanted to say that I was a Christian. Thank GOD (quite literally) that He came into my heart in such a strong way lately. My life is so blessed and so much less chaotic and just so beautiful when I have God with me. I talk to Him all day long and I share my deepest thoughts and feelings. He knows me better than I know myself and it makes me feel safe and protected and loved.

I remember talking to my old pastor of my former church when my husband and I were about to get married. He told me that I would learn to love God more than I would love my husband. I went home that night and laughed. No way would I ever put God first in my life above my husband or kids. But it's TRUE! It does happen that way! God is absolutely my priority. If it weren't for Him I would not be here and I would not have my family. I owe my life...all of God.

I joined a fabulous women's bible study a couple of months ago. I really wanted to connect to other sister's in Christ from my new church. The first night I was there we had the end of the evening prayer session. All the women started speaking in languages I had never heard before. It was very strange. I left that evening wondering what had happened.

Last weekend the co-leader of the small group invited me out to breakfast. At that meal she asked me what I thought of our prayer sessions and if they scared me or if they were strange to me. I confessed that I wasn't actually scared but more curious about what they were doing. She told me they were all speaking in tongues or they were using their God given prayer languages. I had researched prayer languages because I heard another woman in our group use this term.

It's actually quite amazing! God reserves this unbelievable gift for believers who have been baptized in the Holy Spirit. If you ask for this gift God will give it to you! Can you believe that!? All this time I had never even heard of this amazing gift and I can actually be a recipient of it?

I recently asked God to prepare my heart for his gift. I want it and I want it badly. I don't want it for greedy reasons. I don't want it for the purpose of "fitting in" with my small group. My part of that small gift is not contigent on me having my prayer language and that's wonderful. I want it because it's from the Lord. My God. I want to mature into the next level of my faith. I want the Holy Spirit to pray through me. I want to help everyone who needs help. I want to pray for everyone and I know this gift will only magnify my faith.

So next Sunday (the first Sunday of July) I will be baptized in the Holy Spirit. This is a full body immersion underwater. I'm so excited to take this next step! The ladies in my group have been praying for me. They are ready to lay their hands on me and help me accept my prayer language gift. I'm so humbled by all that God has given me lately.

I've been having powerful visions and I know he's preparing me for an exciting new chapter in my life. I'm ready!

He has been answering prayers left and right lately. I can't deny Him. I will never deny his gifts or his miracles ever again. I doubt nothing. My heart is open and so very full! I feel like I'm floating lately.

There are so many things that have been happening you all wouldn't believe me even if I typed them all out here. Miracles. Nothing short of them. Everywhere. I wonder how many passed by me in my life because my eyes weren't opened. It makes me a little sad to think about all I've missed out before now. But then again if I hadn't experienced all I have in my life I wouldn't be at this place in my life. I like this place. It's warm and cozy and I am so content. *purr*

Time to put the little ones to bed. I'll be back later on this.

Following my's a glorious road and I'm loving every minute!


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